“
Those who cannot remember the past, are condemned to repeat it
“
– George Santayana
We make mistakes and lots of it. We all do. Then, how come some people are just simply better at learning from it and you seem to have a learning capability of a toddler.
How come you keep making same mistakes again.
You keep falling into toxic people when it comes to relationships,
you just can’t help yourself to say “No” to friends hangout where clearly the only reason for the hangout is drinking.
You promise yourself to study more, to upgrade your career, or learning new skills and just postpone it for one reason or another.
Every instance you try to look back, there’s nothing you find substantial and meaningful and just increase your guilt of wasting even ‘more’ time even after promising to not do it.
Somehow, you just don’t have self-control over impulses,
The fire seems to wear off quicker than it started after some time.
You realize you’re doing something wrong, you feel guilty, decide to 180 your life immediately,
you know the answers, you begin to work on it, it feels incredible, having a sense of ‘full control’ over your life,
few days, and you find yourself doing the same thing you promised not to.
All the mechanisms that you placed for yourself to keep away, you noticed that you slowly got around them one way or another.
there comes same old guilt, even stronger than ever. And the cycle just continues and never seems to stop.
The good news is that you’re not the only one stuck in this cycle, EVERYBODY is.
And the bad news is that everybody is stuck in the same cycle.
It’s quite a relief to know that you’re not the only one in misery. It gives us a sense of companionship and bit a of sympathy for yourself.
However, because it’s everybody’s problem, it’s a BIG FU&%ING problem.
The reason why we suffer so much with our behavior is that we keep want to be the same person who made all those mistakes.
It’s a mistake because the person who made that choice decided to make that choice.
If you decide to NOT to be that person anymore, guess what, now it does not matter because you’re not that person anymore.
Here’s why.
Before making a reckless attempt to start a fight, a drunk guy made the choice drinking that last drink.
That last drink lead to that fight.
Next time, if you don’t take that last drink, guess what there won’t be a fight.
On the surface, we all don’t want to remain that shitty person.
But the lack of accountability makes you think “oh, I didn’t make that choice”.
“
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall
“
– Confucius
Learn easy way or hard way, start taking responsibility of your actions and all the accountability.
Hold yourself responsible for something good and be first to accept when sh&t goes down.
This will give you courage to and incentive to make better choices. Thus, improving your decisions and life.
Now, the reason why you need to start doing this right now, is because you’re in pain.
Otherwise, there wouldn’t be any discussion at all.
Discussion started because, you’re in pain and you don’t want to be in it anymore.
Your current situation is the evidence of your bad choices, isn’t it?
Who has put you in this situation? No one but yourself.
When philosophers say “learn from your mistakes.” they’re not advising you to not make same choices next time in such scenarios.
What they’re saying is accept that it’s your fault and THAT will incentivize you to make better choices.
You’ll still get in trouble but for something else, not the same one you keep getting defeated to.
Get yourself a better trouble each time.
This is like, you go to war with same weapons and tactics that you went with last time and got defeated.
Forget what improvements enemies have made. You’re going with the certainty that you’ll get defeated again.
If you did not make any changes in yourself before going to the war to the same enemy, you’re already a loser.
Unless you change your arsenal and come up with better strategies (choices), you’ll continue to get pissed on.
Seriously tell me, don’t you get bored by losing to the same old stuff over and over again?
Like there’s not even a dignity in losing to same enemy over and over. You’ve got Mount Everest to mount to and you’ve already given up even before reaching a base camp.
Like, get up private, we’ve got a a freaking mountain to conquer, what’re you losing all hope for without even getting started.
Like the enemy have already capsized the boat and you’re out here want to take a power nap.
Wake up and start fighting with whatever you have and get martyred. You’ve already lost the battle, at least die with some dignity.
This does not guarantee victory but at least a chance to not get upended as before.
You’ll be subdued with little less loss. That’s the trick.
Cutting your losses each time. That’s a true victory.
Because we’re mortal beings. The moment we’re born, we begin to die.
So, we’re never going to “Win” win. Because death is clearly waiting for us thus already won.
So, then what is real victory. Well, real victory is losing that old-self, one piece at a time, till there’s nothing left in you to lose.
If bad choices can make us suffer so much, well that means good choices will certainly make us suffer less.
Gather all your artillery, self-reflection, awareness, a little disgust for your old-self, a high morale.
Use all of that to make an informed and more importantly a New choice.
Understand your weakness, deal with it, use all the tools available to you.
Intentionally fight them with all your strength and you shall win.
Now, you know why we never learn from mistakes. Because we never actually chose to be better. We just wished.
You can change moment after the bad choice, because bad choice gives guilt, good choice feels peace.
Choose peace over guilt every time and voila , you’re better person.
Now you, off you go to make better mistakes.
